Friday, February 6, 2015

Not an Easy Kid.

I always hear people asking if babies are "easy" or "good" - and usually that means that they are good sleepers, eaters, and don't scream and cry endlessly. Sammy was pretty easy and pretty good I guess. He slept through the night at eight months old and was pretty happy otherwise. He, I guess, had his days and nights turned around when he was a newborn... Or my husband claimed. I thought he was just hungry. We went with it and it worked out pretty well.

But at around 11 months- that kid got a mind of his own and he has not slowed down yet. He's not an "easy" kid. It gives me some moments of self doubt. Probably more than some. He knows his own mind and will let you know what he thinks. He's smart and creative and kind. I truly think that we place so much emphasis of getting along and being easy going but I think that doesn't really create situations where we get exactly what we need. I could be more like Sammy and let people know my needs and ensure they are met. Like every other mom- my needs are often last. I don't know that equating a child being passive to "good" is really a fair assessment for anyone. All children have lessons before them. As do adults. But not crying when he needs something doesn't make a child less worthy or less good than another. Just differently wired.

Sometimes I worry that people will tire of dealing with Sammy when he's in a stubborn mood. But that is really more a reflection of my insecurity than anyone's commitment to being in his life. My dad watches Sammy a bit after school and I know it can't be easy. I know he takes it very seriously and does an amazing job. I do my best to try to get Sammy to behave- but he's just learning the lay of the land and getting comfortable. I know this is his way and that I need to just trust the process- but I am a worrier.

All of this not listening and working so far to follow Sammy and become the parent he needs me to be has to have a positive result somewhere down the line. I know he is destined to be a wonderful and worthwhile person and all of this effort is just going to pay off dividends forever. I just have to think about that when times are tough.

This morning he was kind of hard to get corralled and into the car. He needed to play with the dogs and do all sorts of random very crucial tasks before we could get going. I had four hours of sleep and got a cold overnight. My patience is pretty shot. Usually he does something so cute I just have to let that melt away and enjoy our time together. This morning was a pretend call to Daddy on his handphone and tell him how much he loves him and how he'd really like to visit the hardware store. He remembered that Daddy took him to the tire store and had so much fun. Those moments are really worth all of the other ones where I feel at the end of my patience. Being a mom is a tough gig but I really do feel blessed to have Sammy. Even if he isn't traditionally good.

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