Friday, January 2, 2015

Happy New Year!

Bring on 2015! Looking back 2014 was a tough one. My grandfather passed away in October and that has been kind of the defining thing going on. He told me he had pancreatic cancer the year before (on my wedding anniversary). When the whipple procedure failed I knew. I started grieving then and don't think I've stopped for a long time. It's tough to define how I felt about my grandfather. On one hand he aggravated me. Like so many grandparents he had a harder time with adult Andrea and tended to either ignore or pretend I was someone else.

When he got sick that's when our relationship started to really become close. He asked me to take care of his sister. I was to become her Conservator and Guardian. Big shoes to fill. It was scary. I felt really honored that he felt like I was a good replacement. In many ways that is the most he'd ever really said about how he felt about me and how things had turned out for me. It was a giant act of validation and love. We talked near daily until he became too sick. Hearing the man who didn't even drink on the phone slur his speech from Vicodin was tough. But it made me tougher.

Everything else has been the same in a way- tremendous growth towards the person I see myself in the future being. Friendships- While I added so many amazing friends to my circle of friends- some had to come and go quickly. I feel so happy with the group that is left and a little bit battle worn from the constant drama. It's been my belief that women are above the petty backstabbing and gossip that we are portrayed so often... Turns out that is only true of some women so I had to weed out the ones that didn't fit with my own goals and community pretty early on. Life ebbs and flows.

I feel my marriage is stronger than ever. The hubs had a schedule change and it has left a lot of things to be desired time wise but I really feel that we have connected better in 2014 than we did in previous years. We are currently minivan shopping and it is pretty hilarious. I often wonder how my 18 year old self would feel about how things have gone. I feel confident she'd be pretty mad about the current jean size... But thrilled with with the amazing little boy that got us a wee bit off track. She'd be proud of so many things I think so I am going to leave myself thinking overall she'd be happy- but want some more running to take place in 2015. I am probably going to stick to yoga. I feel like gentle is my new thing. And at some point you have to take a long look and say this is who I am right now. Mama is going to find her mat.

Sammy turned into a little boy instead of a baby this year. Three to four has been an amazing year for him. He was able to give up diapers! He is articulate and funny. He is kind,silly, and mischievous. He loves to read and adores all things trains. He is so smart. Today is his last day at a daycare and Monday is his first day of school. So it beings.

Goals for 2015 are fairly simple. Good health, working on good wealth, and continue to be present and self aware so I can surround myself with good people and great ideas. Happy 2015!

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